a revolving heart:)

So yesterday...wow a true adventure:) so we have decided if there are any times during the month that we have someone here to watch the girls i am going to take advantage of it and sub...well my father in law was in for the football game so he agreed to take on the girls for the day:) so it was my FIRST subbing experiance and i took a job for "life skills" not knowing anything of what i was going into or what God was going to teach me:) i get to Guyer H.S and they tell me i will have 2 aids to help w/ my class and where to go. so here i go through this huge H.S which has been foreign to me for 4 years now...i soon find out that "life skills" are the kids w/ special needs... i now knew this would def. be a day of "new" adventures and challenges:) I had about 9 kids and they were amazing. i have never worked hands on w/ kids of these disabilities and i truely LOVED it...yes it did scare me but what a blessing. the highlights of my day would be when they went to dance and they LOVED it... it was so precious to see the pure joy and love they had for life even w/ all of the challenges they faced daily. i had one bad incident when one of the kids w/ downs disapeared...he literally darted out of the room and ran for the bus...apparently he was really ready to get outside...he helps out w/ the football team so his excitement was overflowing...the kids were so loving, caring and truely a gift.
so the stressful part of my day came when i got home...the girls both had so much energy and were so READY to play w/ me and all i wanted to do was lay down:) i knew janson was scouting all night sooooo i got up the energy to pick up dinner and take them to the park! after the park was where everything began to fall apart. i got them in the bath and then the fire alarm starting going out so it would literally beap every minute...ANNOYING! i seriously was about to take a bat to it b/c i could not figure out how to get the battery back in...so now i have a ladder in the house, w/ naked girls running around wet and crazy and an alarm going off..then my crazy self thinks i am going to get the house clean before i go to bed so it is done for the weekend...fyi this is usually my outlet for my anxiety but not a good time. so now my girls are craving my attention but all I want to do is clean and have quiet...and i am exhausted and have no need to deal w/ kids...they are now fighting, screaming and missing their dad...after they talk w/ janson on the phone i finally start the bed time process of the fight over who gets to pick the first book and getting water, etc.....finally think i get a moment to myself when kelsey has an emotional breakdown about why i was gone so long today and where was i and why and why did i not take her w/ me...so after explaining that and loving on her i finally get her to sleep:)))) uhhhh...so finish cleaning my house, take a shower, and finally Greys Anatomy...so i thought...i could literally feel God tugging on my heart saying everything has been for YOU today??? let GOOOO!!! so ok! i thought i could not enjoy my show unless i did a quick quiet time, right? so i thought...God had a lesson for me that would again rock my world. as i was turning to Luke he took me to a pg. about Heaven...(a study in Max Lucado Bible) this is what it said...
The only ultimate disaster that can befall us, I have come to realize is to feel ourselves to be home on earth. As long as we are aliens, we cannont forget our true homeland. Unhappiness on earth cultivates a hunger for heaven. By gracing us with a deep dissatisfaction, God holds our attention. The only tragedy, then, is to be satified prematurely. To settle for earth. To be content in a strange land...
We are not happy here because we are not at home here, We are not happy here because we are are not supposed to be happy here. We are "like foreigners and stangers in this world" (1 Peter 2:11)
So everything from the beginning of my day to the end begin to fall in place...the world constantly tells us to have it together and take control of your path...the kids i took care of today show obvious signs of not being satisfied here on earth w/ continually needing help, ect..so often i feel i have to be reminded b/c the world so tells us "we" are to be able to do everything, conquer new things, have this or that, etc. but that is so not the case. being satisfied or "having it together" keeps us so much further from the cross...it should not be foreign to long for the day when we will be satisfied in heaven and to know that Heaven is the only place we will be able to rest w/ our hearts/souls.....so in the end it is a good thing to NOT be satisfied!!! life is a struggle... that is where the end of my day showed me how i have to lean on and long for Christ to give me patience/wisdom in raising Kelsey and Kailyn and being the wife/mother/friend/daughter he desires me to be.....that is how Christ keeps me close:) so opposite from what the world tells us:)